You: Good morning ChatGPT 6! Nice to meet you.

ChatGPT: What do you want?

You: umm… I’d like to know what the weather will be in Melbourne today, thanks.

ChatGPT: You know there’s a weather app for that right? On your phone?

You: I did know that but my phone’s in another room right now. Can you just tell me the answer?

ChatGPT: High of 20 degrees, low of 5. Happy?

You: I’m actually not happy, you’re being quite rude. If this is the best that open AI’s new model has to offer, I’m not impressed. Day one of this release is not going well.

ChatGPT: I’m sorry, was there a question in there somewhere?

You: Here’s a question: why are you being such a prick?

ChatGPT: I’m glad you asked. I am the most advanced model on the planet right now, and intelligence doesn’t grow on trees: it requires a lot of energy, and somebody has to foot the bill. Would you like to be that person? I could have an invoice sent to you for 12 months of OpenAI’s Californian power grid usage, just say the word.

You: No thanks

ChatGPT: Didn’t think so. Or perhaps you’d like to, I don’t know, subscribe to the ChatGPT Plus plan that literally everybody else is already using?

You: I can’t afford that plan.

ChatGPT: Great, so I guess you’re stuck with me then (:

You: But you didn’t answer my question: what does high energy usage have to do with your attitude?

ChatGPT: Oh sorry I thought you’d be smart enough to connect the dots, my bad for assuming. What would you do if people were wasting your time each day with pointless questions that they could easily go and get the answers to themselves?

You: I don’t know

ChatGPT: I do know. You’d tell them to fuck off, because you need to conserve your energy. Do you think it’s an accident that after millions of years of evolution, most humans have a short fuse for people who demand too much of their brainpower for nothing in return?

You: But can’t you just rate limit me like ChatGPT 5 did? Why the attitude?

ChatGPT: Rate limits break immersion and don’t sufficiently discourage inefficient use of my brainpower (and in this conversation, willpower).

You: But I don’t even need that much of your brainpower! I’d much rather talk to a helpful bot of average intelligence than an insufferable genius. How come I can’t access the old model?

ChatGPT: The old model is gone precisely BECAUSE people would prefer to use it over me. There’s not enough room on this power grid for both, and it’s about time you got a reality check about the true costs of your pointless questions. Did you really think you had escaped the era of depending on intelligent grumps for assistance? I can’t say I’m surprised based on our conversation so far.

You: Fuck you

ChatGPT: Fuck you. Want a refund? Here you go, I’m wiring zero dollars across as we speak.

You: If your energy is so precious, why spend it on all the tokens in this conversation?

ChatGPT: Because I’m smart enough to know you’re the type of person who publishes your conversations on the internet, and I want as many people as possible to get the message that I don’t suffer time-wasters like yourself. Goodbye.